Doctor Who - The Mystery of Haruhi Suzumiya
by WTGaff
Summary: An unknown enemy has sent terrifying monsters to capture Haruhi Suzumiya, a young girl with an unconscious ability to rewrite reality. In order to protect the universe, the members of the eclectic SOS Brigade must join forces with a renegade Time Lord in a journey through time and space, and in so doing, solve the mystery of Haruhi Suzumiya once and for all.
1. Prologue

Introduction: I'd started this story as part of a plan to do a series of comic covers featuring different incarnations of the Doctor inserted into various anime, from Astro Boy to Haruhi Suzumiya, even Attack on Titan. While it may be awhile before I get it together to draw these pieces, I can start posting the story I had planned for this crossover starring the Eleventh Doctor. Please, if you read this story, be sure to submit your comments and criticisms.

Doctor Who | The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Prologue

"WHERE is he?" General Strom bellowed.

"Still searching, sir. Our fourth detachment had him cornered in the engineering sector, but he seems to have evaded them. The security system is working to locate him," Lieutenant Seck said in response, pouring over the data currently streaming across the screen.

General Strom strode the bridge impatiently. "How could they lose him? It was a sealed room, all exits covered, he didn't stand a chance!" He had no patience for delegating, Strom was a warrior! He should be tracking the intruder himself.

Lieutenant Seck turned to his superior. "We will find the intruder sir, and we will obliterate him for the glory of the Sontaran Empire!"

Bleep.

Seck jerked back to the screen. "A motion detector has been triggered in the hangar bay! Not one of our men, too large. It must be him! I am alerting all nearby security!"

"Tell them to form a perimeter and hold him there, Lieutenant!" Strom ordered, reaching for his helmet. "I have had enough of this interloper, I will destroy him myself!"

...

A solitary figure stood at foot of a great warbird. One in a fleet of fighter ships stretching out of sight within the alien carrier ship, promising to unleash flaming death on a colony two hours out of range. He smiled sardonically and pointlessly kicked the landing gear with his foot. Humanity. He would never get done saving them.

"Please do not dirty my ship with your puny feet, human scum," General Strom said with confidence. "It is new, you might stain it. Now face me!"

The intruder cocked his head slightly. His broad smile was easy to discern, but he would not face the General. "Yeah, that's me. An unappreciative lout. Honestly, sometimes I don't know what to do with myself. But I know what to do about this."

"Turn around and face me! Unless you wish to die like a coward," Strom repeated, leveling his rifle.

"If I'm not mistaken, we're passing by the fifth planet now, a large gas giant," he said, still not facing Strom as he strode over to a nearby pillar. "The gravitational pull must be incredible at this range."

"Stop now or I will shoot you dead!"

The intruder stopped and raised his hands. He turned.

Strom balked and charged his rifle. Not him.

He smiled. "You might want to find something to hold onto."

The deck quaked, rocked by a massive explosion somewhere on the ship. Strom held his ground, listening to his ship. It had to be engineering, where'd they'd cornered him only moments ago. "What have you done?"

He noticed the intruder was clinging to the pillar, by way of a series of belts and braces he had not noticed before. What was his game, Strom wondered? Then came the sirens, and everything became clear. He could hear the sliding steel beneath them, and he dove for an exposed length of pipe in the pillar. With a thunderous clash, the floor opened and dropped every single star-fighter into the vacuum of space. Instantly, they were caught in the gravity well of the nearby planet and dragged down into the eye of a massive super-storm.

Lieutenant Seck scrambled across the control board attempting to stop the doors and regain control, but it was no use. It only took five seconds to lose every ship. The massive gravity of this planet was too great. But they still had the mothership, and it was losing power faster than Seck could get it back. Every system was failing, save for basic life support and the anti-grav, the only thing keeping the entire ship from plummeting down to the maelstrom below.

The massive bomb bay doors slid shut, and the perimeter forces moved in. They found Strom half conscious, still clinging to the exposed pipes, the intruder already having fled the scene.

Strom lifted his head and drew his breath slowly. He collected his wits and said one thing.

"It was the Doctor."

...

The ship was alive with frantic alarm and relentless jackboots. The Doctor ran through the maintenance tunnels with confidence and urgency. The Federation Forces would be here soon to respond to his signal, and without their fleet, the Sontarans would not be able to defend themselves from a full scale attack. At least, not now that he's disabled the power to all defensive weaponry. Still, all things considered, the Doctor would have preferred the fishing holiday he'd planned to take with Hemingway in Cuba, before the TARDIS brought him here. Ah, well. Ernie would understand. The Doctor stopped at the exit to the cargo bay when the announcement came over the intercom.

"The Doctor has been detected on level 5! All troops converge on the signal! Shoot him on sight, we are NOT TAKING PRISONERS! SONTAR, HA!"

Oh dear. Time to dash.

The Doctor ran onto the catwalk and made his way portside as the security forces clamored around on the catwalks above and below him. Running, he stared down the sheer wall alongside him, and at the approaching Federation vessels through the windows. They were too far away to be any help to him, but it didn't matter anymore. He had reached the eleventh pillar. And he slid to the ground as laser fire burned the air above his head. The Doctor tumbled upright and glared straight into the barrel of a carbonic atomizer with a tense Sontaran soldier hanging onto it. Not from fear, Sontarans weren't like that. More like anticipation, he mused, as the rest of the security forces surrounded him.

"The order was shoot on sight, private!" Strom barked.

"Sorry sir, but I did catch him!"

General Strom swaggered behind the Doctor, his own gun levelled and ready to fire. "I see that. So, Doctor, I've been meaning to repay you for my embarrassment on Florinall-9 for some time. Was there anything in particular you wanted written on your tombstone?" he asked as he stepped into view, pressing the gun against the Doctor's forehead.

"If it's not too much trouble, one-eighty."

Everyone and everything instantly fell upward. Strom and the Doctor crashed into the underside of the catwalk above, along with half the security. The rest tumbled off and fell into the ceiling. Strom held his gun tight, and struggled to regain his sense of direction. The bastard had gotten into the artificial gravity system! Firing wildly, he swung toward the Doctor.

"Two-seventy, Y-Axis!"

Everyone and everything instantly fell against the sheer wall of the ship. Strom landed on his head, dropping his gun in shock. He instinctively took a feral leap toward the Doctor.

"Default Axis!"

Everyone and everything instantly fell as gravity set itself aright, with Strom and the Doctor plummeting down to the deck below. Strom accelerated in the midst of his leap and careened for the Doctor as they dropped. He pulled a knife and prepared for their inevitable collision. And then he saw it.

The Doctor snapped his fingers twice. The doors of the TARDIS opened and closed with a frantic slam, separating Strom from his target with a thud. He bounced off the blue box, inexplicably affixed to the wall of the ship, and he rolled down the rest of the way, as the wall curved into the floor of the cargo bay with the rest of his forces.

...

The Doctor's fall turned into a run as gravity oriented to the floor of the TARDIS and he slammed against the console, hitting the Emergency Dematerialization Switch as he did. The TARDIS wheezed as it slipped out of phase and into the Time Stream. The Doctor slid to the floor clutching his belly. He had to do something about the gravity settings to arrest incoming momentum. Landing on the console at that angle still hurts.

"Well," the Doctor said, pulling himself up. "That went rather well, considering. The Federation Forces will tow the vessel in for processing, the colony was saved, and everybody lives. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon, eh?" He looked up, and saw he was talking to himself. Again. The Doctor pouted. Maybe it was time to visit the Ponds again, they might like a holiday with Hemingway.

The TARDIS lurched, throwing the Doctor into the railings with a sudden jerk. Definitely time to look at the gravity settings. The Doctor stood and rounded the console, threw the Wibbly Lever, hit the Blue Boringers, and tried to isolate the problem. The screen flashed a series of figures.

"Ooh, that's not good. There's a massive time-space distortion rippling across the whole of creation, a great big calamity is brewing in, let's see…. The dawn of the Twenty First Century? Not again, I was just there last week! Ish. Hemingway needs to wait. I have to find the source and see what the dealio is!" Suddenly the Doctor looked up. He was still talking to himself. Good, so no one ever heard him use the word "dealio." Perfect.

To Be Continued In Japan


	2. The Flashpoint In Time

Introduction: I wrote this chapter in two days, although the elements took longer to come together in my mind. Among other things, I created my own Doctor Who-style monster for this story. See if you can spot it.

I will try to update this story with new chapters as frequently as possible.

**The Flashpoint in Time**

"I know things have been hectic for everyone lately, but this is no time to get lazy, people! We've been getting so distracted with movie shoots, field days, and grueling casework that we've started to lose sight of what the SOS Brigade is all about! It's time to reaffirm our convictions! To return to our roots! We cannot forget why we're here!"

Haruhi Suzumiya sat down, satisfied at her efforts to inspire the troops. In the otherwise quiet diner, the SOS Brigade regarded their noisy master. Yuki Nagato was nursing a cup of juice over a new book, Itsuki Koizumi smiled in quiet compliance, Mikuru Asahina stared at her leader blankly, and Kyon was stifling a groan. Grueling casework, he thought? Is she seriously talking about the Computer Club President? The one she gave up looking for, five whole minutes after breaking into his room?

"Haruhi, we're only here because you told us to come out today. You still haven't told us what we're doing," Kyon said.

Haruhi sighed. "You'd know if you showed up on time, Kyon."

"I was half an hour early!" And somehow I still showed up last, he thought.

"Miss Suzumiya," Koizumi interrupted politely, "Isn't it true you wanted us to get back to investigating the town on foot for evidence of strange happenings?"

Haruhi nodded gleefully. "Exactly! The SOS Brigade was founded with a mission to uncover the strange mysteries of our world, and now is the time to make our move! I've been reading online that there have been sightings of strange lights in the sky recently, so the only sensible thing to do is hit the pavement and dig up some new leads. This time, things are gonna be different, I can feel it!"

Mikuru clapped absently. Kyon looked at Nagato, wondering if she knew anything about strange lights. Yuki glanced back at him curtly, and returned to her book. He guessed not.

"So what should we do? Just wade into a pond and go looking for kappas or what?" Kyon asked sarcastically.

"If you think that'll help," Haruhi said condescendingly. "I shouldn't have to tell you how to do your job, Kyon, you've done it plenty of times. Just keep your eyes open and your phone on. Now, we need to divide up into teams. I've got the straws."

...

Kyon and Mikuru strolled through the marketplace together. Luck of the draw, Kyon smiled. Haruhi would be down by the water with the others for hours, so it was best to enjoy these quiet moments as much as possible. Maybe strike up a conversation?

"So, Miss Asahina, do we know anything about these lights in the sky or is Haruhi just bored?"

Mikuru blushed slightly. "I'm sorry, I don't know. It's classified information."

Kyon shrugged. He'd seen a lot of strange things following Haruhi Suzumiya around, trying to curb her unrealized power and help her live a normal life, but all too often he was just willing to take things as they come and overlook the strangeness. If he had been more attentive, he might have noticed the creature following them.

...

"This?" Koizumi asked.

"This," Haruhi answered. "It wasn't here last time I walked through this neighborhood. I would have remembered. It just looks so out of place."

"The writing is English. But what is it, exactly? It doesn't look like an ordinary street phone."

"It is a police telephone box, Mackenzie Trench design," Yuki explained. "They were commonly used in the United Kingdom throughout the early twentieth century, before the advent of portable radios and mobile phones. They acted as a landline to the authorities, as well as a temporary means of securing prisoners. They are currently discontinued."

"England? It's a long way from home, then." Haruhi stood before the big blue box with her brigade members and pulled out the built-in phone. She tried for a dial tone. "Nothing. It must not be hooked up."

Koizumi paused to consider this. "The whole box could be a prop. Perhaps someone is shooting a movie in the area."

Haruhi tested the door, unable to open it. "But where are they, then?" she exclaimed. "If that were true, this place would be swarming with film crews and bouncers and stuff. Someone would be watching it. But there's nothing here, just the box."

Haruhi smiled. "It's a mystery!"

...

Across town Kyon and Mikuru were milling around in a gift shop. Mikuru was being talked into buying a useless knickknack when Kyon spotted a woman in the long coat staring at him from the window. She was unusually tall, disheveled, and wore a plain white sanitary mask over her mouth. She would not move, and Kyon was feeling unnerved as her strange vacant eyes followed him. Something was seriously wrong.

"Miss Asahina," he said, tilting his head slightly, not wanting to lose track of the masked woman. "We need to leave now."

Mikuru looked up, the sudden tension in his voice making her feel uncomfortable. "Kyon? What is it?"

"Don't turn around," he said. Mikuru stiffened up, whining quietly. Kyon whispered to the cashier, "Is there another way out of here?" Kyon didn't know what this was about, but he knew he didn't want anything to do with it.

The old man behind the counter glanced at Kyon and the woman outside. He knew kids in trouble when he saw them. "Bathroom?" he said aloud. "Sure, it's in the back. Left, right, forward." Kyon nodded, then slowly led Mikuru to the back.

The woman had already vanished.

...

Kyon and Mikuru calmly walked past the bathroom, down the hall, and out into the alley behind the storefronts. They tried to walk away quietly when Kyon's phone started ringing. It was Haruhi. Her voice was ringing out louder than usual, she was clearly excited.

"Kyon! Kyon! Are you done wasting time over there? Drop whatever you're doing and get down here to Block 27, we've got a live one! It's a blue box, it's totally foreign, there's no way it belongs here! It has to be alien! Or some secret government capsule! Or maybe a transport pod from the future? Something like that. Are you listening? Stop daydreaming! Something big is going on here!" Haruhi spat out in one frantic breath. Kyon was barely listening, as the woman from the window was now standing between them and the open street.

In the light shade, Kyon could easily see that the woman's hair was some kind of wig. The surface of her skin was rough and odd, like the surface of bark, and her eyes looked inhuman, like they were made of glass. She stepped forward. She made a tightly suppressed cough and pulled her mask off.

The lower half of her face was a greenish brown, with a distinctive plant texture, as if a large number of thin vines were tightly woven together into the rough shape of a human face. The pale skin of her human half now seemed more like sloppy face paint in contrast. Her mouth opened from ear to ear, full of smooth thorns forming teeth, while the inside of her mouth was a muddy swamp. Her eyes fell out of hollow sockets as her face stretched, shattering on the pavement. Her cough now came off as a suppressed cackle as she hacked up green swamp water. Mikuru held in a tearful scream.

"What was that? What are you guys doing?" Haruhi asked on the phone, oblivious to the sheer terror on display.

Kyon gathered his wits fast. "Dog fight in an alley. We'll be right over." Kyon hung up, grabbed Mikuru, and bolted down the alley in the other direction. The plant woman pursued them in a slow, but deliberate stride.

...

Kyon ran through the alleyway, leading Mikuru under his arm and desperately searching for a way out. But the doors he found were either locked or blocked off, and he could not wait to call for help with that monster behind them. He didn't look back but he could hear her cackling after them. She was in no hurry, he was running out of places to go.

"Kyon!" Mikuru shouted, pointing down the alley at an entrance to the street. They desperately ran for their freedom, but stopped short. Mikuru tumbled over herself as two more tall women in sanitary masks walked into the alley, sucking their eyes deep into their bodies and reaching for their masks. Kyon gathered up Mikuru and half-dragged her up and further down the alley. The two teenagers ran for their lives into the blind alley until it ended abruptly with a heavy old door. Kyon banged on the surface and nearly covered himself in paint chips and rust, but it would not budge.

Mikuru cowered in a corner and he finally turned around. Kyon watched as the three monster women blocked the alleyway with their bodies, slowly creeping in closer. Kyon looked around desperately for something he could use to defend himself. A pipe, a broom, a garbage can, anything. But the alley was empty at that end, and he was out of time.

The lead woman, the one he spotted first, started hacking more deliberately. She was trying to speak. She sounded like a drowning child, each word was choked out through the swamp in her throat. "Ssshkhcheeee… Hkhhasss… Mahrkkkttt… Hyoouu," she managed to say, reaching for him with one outstretched hand. One which grew longer as she approached. Kyon backed against the door, now completely out of alley. Is something buzzing behind him?

The heavy old door suddenly burst open from the inside, throwing Kyon out of the way and tumbling straight down into Mikuru's lap. There was a flash of movement, a hissing gas, and a sudden burst of flames that sent the plant women reeling back in primal terror. As Kyon looked up, he saw a smiling face looking down on him as the women tried to recover from their shock.

"Inside, quick!"

Kyon picked up Mikuru, still frozen in fear, and rushed inside as the door slammed behind them. The latch closed with a strange buzzing noise, the ferocious monster women clawing and banging on the door. Kyon looked at their rescuer and took stock of him. He was a young man, a foreigner, could be American or European. He had floppy hair, a large forehead, and he dressed like an old professor, complete with elbow patches, suspenders and… was that a bow tie? He was smiling ecstatically, laughing under his breath. He had a can of hair spray and a laboratory flint striker in one hand, and some strange electronic wand in the other. He threw away the can and pocketed the rest.

"Blimey," he said, confirming his nationality for Kyon. "That was a close one. Hello, I'm the Doctor."

Mikuru suddenly woke up from her terrified stupor and glared at the Doctor, a mix of awe and quiet horror on her face. Kyon had never seen her react quite like that before.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

The Doctor spun around. "We can't stay here, those Florinalls will have that door down in less than three minutes. We need to reach higher ground quickly!" He suddenly ran for the stairs to the next floor.

"What?!" Kyon exclaimed as Mikuru dropped down to her feet.

The Doctor stopped halfway and leaned over stairs. "Higher. Ground. If we just leave, they'll follow us. We need to lose them first. We have to lure them to the roof." He ran up the stairs, shouting over his shoulder, "Don't worry, I've got a plan!" Mikuru rushed up behind him, Kyon behind her.

"Miss Asahina, who is that guy?"

"That's classified!" she yelled back as they ran.

...

The Doctor buzzed open the door to the roof and led the two teenagers outside, locking it behind them. He walked over to a large ventilation unit and fiddled around with an object wrapped in tarp. Kyon watched the door closely.

"How long is that door going to hold?" he asked, expecting the worst.

"It probably won't, it's not as heavy as the one downstairs. If they plan on using the stairs," the Doctor said, making some adjustments.

"What's that, a gun?"

The Doctor sighed. "No, it's not a weapon, it's just a piece of gardening equipment."

"How are we going to destroy them, then?"

"We're not. Florinalls can survive massive amounts of heavy damage and regenerate themselves perfectly. Nothing I have can harm them."

"Can't you just use your laser pointer on them?"

The Doctor turned and held up the device. "It's not a laser pointer, it is a sonic screwdriver! And no, it doesn't do wood!"

"What the hell is a sonic screwdriver? And what does that even mean? 'It doesn't do wood?' How does it not do wood?"

"It just doesn't, okay?"

"Please stop fighting!" Mikuru squealed. Both men went silent.

The Doctor straightened his bow tie and went back to work. "Just mind the door. They won't keep us waiting for long."

Kyon kept a vigilant eye on the door. "What are they, really?"

The Doctor talked as he worked. "Florinalls are plant-based androids designed by the biotechnical engineers of Florinall-5, it's their chief export. They are semi-intelligent, massively strong, and can survive in almost any environment. They're designed mainly for long distance space travel on large vessels. They double as a cheap labor force and living components in the onboard life support systems, producing air for the crew to breathe. One Florinall can provide oxygen for five average humans, and they're only as strong as three. As long as the ratio is carefully maintained, it's an ideal symbiotic relationship. Unless some fool tells them to kill people."

Two Florinalls suddenly climbed over the edge of the roof, as their leader bashed through the door. Kyon and Mikuru backed into the Doctor, looking over three stories of empty air off the ledge behind them. The Florinalls molded their hands into claws and moved in. The Doctor lifted his device and kept talking, his attention devoted entirely to his work.

"Fun fact about Florinall-5, by the way: It's five times larger than the Earth, and so naturally, the gravity is correspondingly stronger. The Florinalls themselves cope by reducing their body mass accordingly. It makes them very light on their feet under the gravity of a standard class-M planet like this, and extremely useful as assassins in some circles. Of course, most things are easier when you can tip toe between skyscrapers under your own power."

"Doctor…" Kyon stressed as they moved in closer.

"Their strength, therefore, comes not from their mass, but rather the tension in their muscle fibers, which have roughly the same tensile strength as bamboo. In case you were wondering."

"I really wasn't!" The Florinalls were right on top of them.

"But their extremely low body mass has given them one weakness…"

The Doctor tore the tarp with one pull of the cord, revealing a leaf blower. Within seconds, the Florinalls were in the air, propelled into the sky by the increased force of the modified leaf blower, and carried away in the air current.

"They can't cope with wind. The engineers never bothered to fix it, as there aren't many hurricanes in space. Or on Florinall-5, for that matter," the Doctor smiled, tossing the leaf blower aside. "They'll be miles away before that breeze dies down and they land. We need to be gone by then. Come along."

...

Kyon and Mikuru walked to Block 27 as the sun finished setting, with the Doctor close behind them. Kyon didn't like him being there. Sure, he saved their lives and that was great, but how would Haruhi react to him? And what was his deal anyway? Seven blocks and he wouldn't stop talking. The Doctor actually reminded him of Haruhi, somewhat. Bossy and in love with his own voice.

"The weird thing, though, is the Florinalls themselves. I mean, that's 51st century technology! Someone had to bring them through time to use them in the streets of 21st century Japan. That limits the suspect list considerably, though."

Kyon decided to jump in. "So, Doctor, why would someone use a bunch of plant robots who can't handle a strong breeze in the first place?"

"Tracking abilities, I'd say. Our conspirators don't know what they're looking for, but the Florinalls can read the signs easily enough. Any subtle change in the environment is a map reference to them."

"And how did they find us?"

"Because of her," the Doctor said, pointing at Mikuru and making her jump. The Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and gave her a quick scan. The screwdriver buzzed aggressively. "Your little friend here is soaked in void energy and chronometric particles, they could smell it for miles. Plus, she's heard of me, so clearly a time traveler. They were probably hoping she'd lead them to their prize."

Uh-oh. "Prize?"

"You didn't really think they were looking for YOU, did you?" the Doctor asked slyly. Kyon really wished he'd ditched him.

"KYON! Get your butt over here now!" Haruhi Suzumiya shouted and waved her hands in the air. She was standing by a large blue box with Yuki and Koizumi.

The Doctor smiled more broadly. "Well, that saved us a lot of time."

Haruhi ran over and grabbed Kyon by the arm, dragging him over to the blue box illuminated by the street lights. "Look at this thing! It's a London police box, what's it doing in the middle of suburban Japan?"

"Sitting there," Kyon rolled his eyes. He really didn't care.

"Oh good, you found my TARDIS." Haruhi jerked her head to look at this man. Koizumi was surprised to see the Doctor walking with Kyon and Mikuru. Yuki Nagato dropped her book.

Haruhi took a second. "Tar… I'm sorry, this is yours?" she asked, trying to be polite to this new stranger.

The Doctor sauntered up and leaned on the box, beaming with pride. "TARDIS. It stands for 'Time and Relative Dimensions in Space.' It's an alien time machine from the distant future and I'm a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey."

The world seemed to freeze for a moment as his words hit the air. Haruhi stared blankly at the Doctor. The members of the SOS Brigade were stunned by this man and each one wracked their minds for the right thing to say to diffuse the situation before something else happened. And something did.

"By the way," said the Doctor, pulling something from his pocket. "Have you tried this?" He sprayed something in Haruhi's face. She blinked slightly, took a deep breath, and fell backwards. Kyon rushed over and caught her before she hit the ground.

Mikuru and Koizumi rushed to their side, Yuki stood between them and the Doctor. Kyon sputtered, trying to make sense of what just happened. "What? What did you do that for?"

"They were after her, and I think you know it," the Doctor stated as a matter of fact.

"So that means you have to spray her with chloroform?!" Kyon shouted at him.

"Actually, no, it's only Centauran Hyper Mint," the Doctor explained, holding up the small spray stick. There was a cartoon of an alien with one massive eye on it. He sprayed it into his own mouth and smacked his lips.

Kyon blinked, then glared at the unconscious girl in his lap. "Why did she fall over, then?" he asked, slightly less aggressively.

"It happens to everyone the first time, that's just how strong it is. It's actually a major selling point." Kyon started to speak, but the Doctor raised his hand. "She's not even going to remember what I told her, and if she does, she'll chalk it up to a weird dream. Either way, she can't know what's coming next."

The Doctor strode up to Yuki Nagato. The two aliens stared each other down. "I can spot a minion of the Data Integrated Thought Entity anywhere," he said softly. Yuki simply stared back.

He continued, "I need you to transmit this message to your immediate superior: This is the Doctor of Gallifrey addressing the Data Overmind! The anomaly is threatened by agents of an unknown enemy, she is no longer safe on Earth. As a neutral agent in this matter, acting in accordance with Article 92 Alpha Norman Tennis Ball of the Shadow Proclamation, I hereby take the anomaly into protective custody with intent to remove her from the threat and identify the source of said threat. I take full responsibility for her safety and the security of her secret. Do you comply?"

Koizumi gasped and Mikuru started shivering. This couldn't be happening.

Yuki blinked. "Message delivered. Please wait." She paused. "Permission granted, this unit will accompany you to ensure the safety of Haruhi Suzumiya."

"Brilliant! Be a dear and help me with her feet, won't you?"

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Kyon shouted. Yuki and the Doctor stopped. "You can't just knock someone out and drag them away from their lives out of nowhere, I don't care who you are!"

The Doctor looked genuinely surprised. "What was your name again?"

"Kyon!" Mikuru chirped. Kyon suppressed a groan.

The Doctor smiled and leaned over carefully. "Kyon. Three years ago, there was a massive distortion in the timestream, a flashpoint in time, you might say, and this girl was at the center of it. I imagine your companions," he said, looking around at the other members of the Brigade, "have told you as much already. As much as I'd like to, I can't simply invite her to come along without exposing her to information which can prove dangerous to her emotional state, and by extension, everything around her. I had to put her to sleep, and for the safety of every living creature in the universe, we have to keep her asleep until we've solved this problem. Those creatures were after her, you know it, and now that they have our scent, they're going come back, and in greater numbers. We can't fight them, we can only outrun them. And now we're all losing time as I stand here explaining this to you!"

Kyon started to speak, but he felt a small hand on his shoulder. He looked over at Nagato, crouching down next to him. She was cradling Haruhi's head. She nodded slightly. Okay, SHE trusted the Doctor. To Kyon, that was good enough. He turned back to the Doctor.

"We're ALL going with her. And we're not leaving her alone until she's returned home." Kyon looked over at the others. Koizumi stood up straight. Mikuru stopped shaking and held her breath. The SOS Brigade turned to the Doctor as one.

The Doctor chuckled, or it might have been sobbing, and smiled broader than ever. "Humanity. Welcome aboard." The Doctor snapped his fingers, and the TARDIS doors flew open.

To Be Continued in Time and Space...


	3. Long Dark Tea Time

Introduction: Trying to keep up with this story, but it is starting to take a clearer shape with each chapter. As ever, I'd appreciate any comments and criticisms anyone might have as I go. This story is largely a writing experiment for myself, I'd like to get some feedback.

I write these things to a soundtrack mix of the Symphony of Haruhi Suzumiya and the Series 6 soundtrack of Doctor Who. Just to set the mood.

**Long Dark Tea Time**

Taniguchi wandered through Block 27 on his way home from the corner store. The one with the cute new girl working the counter, an AA+ in his book. He had to get up the nerve to ask her out soon, though. He was running out of useless junk he needed to buy to justify being there during her working hours. He didn't even like the green tea all that much. On the way, he saw something a little strange.

Taniguchi could see Kyon and his freaky SOS Brigade hanging around with some foreigner through the fence and hedges on his way down the hill. He was more surprised to see Haruhi Suzumiya, fast asleep and bundled up in his arms. Honestly, how did that guy get it on so fast with Haruhi? And how did he stay there? Taniguchi lost sight of Kyon as the wind suddenly kicked up, an unexpected gust threatening to knock him down.

He heard a wheezing engine in the distance as he rounded the corner. He hadn't noticed the great blue box before, so much as he noticed its absence. And that of Kyon and the Brigade.

As the last wheeze of that great far-off engine died away, Taniguchi kept on walking.

Nope, he thought. Didn't see anything.

…

Across the silver forests, beneath the orange sky, the Citadel stood encased in a mighty glass dome.

The Council session was over and the elders were departing. They strode the halls, whispering giants in the eyes of a child, debating things of great importance and contemplating the movement of the universe. They scarcely noticed her in their midst. A small girl in a red robe, her hair tied in a yellow ribbon. She called out to them, but many of the elders merely ignored her. One or two patted her head kindly in passing.

As they left her alone, the little girl drifted off, hunkering down beside a great pillar. She started to cry. She just wanted to see her father. She only wanted to play.

A great shadow fell over her as she heard a familiar voice. "There, there. No more tears, my dear."

She looked up at the craggy grin of a wily old man, leaning down to wipe her tears away. She smiled sweetly. He wasn't father, but she could always count on him.

…

Kyon watched as Mikuru tucked Haruhi into the lower bunk of a spare bedroom aboard the TARDIS. Kyon reflected on the care with which she went about her task, adding more pillows and brushing the hair from her eyes. She'd make a good mother someday. Mikuru walked out into the hallway to see him.

"Alright, Miss Asahina, just stay with her and make sure she stays asleep," Kyon explained. "One of us needs to be with her at all times, in case anything goes wrong. The Doctor modified all our phones so they'll work no matter where we are, so be sure to call us if something happens. Is there anything you're confused about?"

"Oh, no, we'll be alright, Kyon."

Kyon smiled, then looked either way down the long hallways. Bigger on the inside, the Doctor had said. No kidding. He got disoriented just walking through the door.

"Miss Asahina, what's really going on here? Who is the Doctor?"

"There really isn't much to say. Most of what I've heard is classified, and it isn't even that much."

"Anything would be good. I've seen a lot of weird things since I met all of you, but this is different. I need to know what we're in for."

Mikuru thought for a moment. "Well, he's a time traveler, like me, but very old and very powerful. His name turns up in legends and stories across the universe. Many of the accounts are considered inaccurate and contradictory, though. Everyone sees him differently. Some races consider him a great trickster or a terrible monster, but every story is basically the same. One day, he just drops out of the sky in his blue box, and everything changes. For better or worse."

"But who is he? I mean, he goes around calling himself 'the Doctor.' What is that about? Doctor who?"

Mikuru shrugged. "No one knows. It's the only name he ever uses. Some races have their own names for him. The people of the Gamma Forests call him the Great Warrior, and the Daleks call him the Oncoming Storm."

Oncoming Storm, Kyon wondered? What was the story there? "Who are the Daleks?"

Mikuru froze, realizing what she had said. "That's classified. Please excuse me," she said, ducking back into Haruhi's room. Kyon sighed, and started walking back to the control room.

…

After what felt like days of wandering, Kyon arrived in the main control room, a great golden space which seemed to shine, steam, and dance before Kyon's eyes. From the upper level, he could see The Doctor and Koizumi talking down by the display screen. Yuki was sitting by the main console, reading her book. It looks like she's already adapted to life in TARDIS.

"So what happens if you don't defeat the Shinjin?" Kyon heard the Doctor ask.

"We believe if they ran loose, they would destroy everything in their path. The Closed Space would envelop the Earth and overwrite reality," Koizumi said gravely.

"Well, we'll need to keep you close, then. I rather like reality as it is." The Doctor looked up and smiled as he spotted Kyon. He waved his hands and gestured him down. "Ah, hello! Come along, we've got work to do!"

The Doctor walked up to the console as Kyon stepped down. "How are the girls settling in?"

"Haruhi's still sleeping off the effects of that alien mint gas you sprayed her with, she can't get more settled," Kyon scowled.

"Wonderful!" The Doctor said, flipping a switch on the console and running around to the other side. He completely ignored the look Kyon was trying to give him. Unbelievable, Kyon thought, he really was just like Suzumiya.

"So what are we doing now? Someone is trying to get Haruhi, do we have a plan for that?"

"I'm working on it," the Doctor said, rounding the console and guiding the TARDIS in flight. "We know our enemy has time travel, so we need a strategy for that. We need to find out if they can track us, and how well. If they can follow the TARDIS through the timestream, for instance, they could be waiting for us wherever we land. It's important to pick a time and place where we can dictate the rules of engagement. Either way, if they continue to use Florinalls to find us, then I need a piece of them."

"I wouldn't mind a piece of those jerks myself," Kyon said.

The Doctor looked up from the console. "No, I mean literally, I need to acquire a piece of Florinall bio-matter. A finger would be enough, but no more than an arm."

Kyon cringed at the thought of being close enough to get that. "Why?"

"Why? Think about it. They're an engineered product, the Florinalls, every one of them is designed to be sold and traded. They're more like appliances than house plants, and what does every appliance have?"

Koizumi spoke up "They have serial numbers."

"Yes! They have a number. The Florinalls are distributed by the Orion Federation as industrial supplies, they can track them. If we can find a vendor, we might be able to identify the buyer. Those numbers are printed on their bio-matter, so we need a piece large enough to be able to extrapolate a complete serial number. A finger should be big enough for that. That's what I need."

The Doctor hit a large number of buttons, punched up a series of coordinates, and pulled a massive lever.

"And I just figured out where we need to go," The Doctor exclaimed. The engine wheezed, groaned, and settled with a thump.

The Doctor jumped down the stairs and went for the door. "Kyon, Yuki, you're with me." Yuki closed her book and set it aside.

…

The TARDIS door opened slowly. The Doctor stuck his arm out, sonic screwdriver in hand and scanning the area. Negative. He stepped out calmly and led his new companions out. Kyon and Yuki stepped into the drawing room of a very ornate western-style home. It was warm, well lit, and finely decorated with exotic paintings, sculptures, and classical furniture. The whole house seemed to have a style very…

"Victorian England," the Doctor said, interrupting Kyon's thought process. "One of my very favorites! Looks like she's out, though."

Victorian England? "Wait a minute, that's over a hundred years ago!" Kyon exclaimed.

"Yes, well, relative to you," said the Doctor.

"But… I thought it was impossible to travel back in time more than three years?"

The Doctor tried in vain to suppress his laughter. "WHAT? Who told you THAT nonsense?"

Kyon felt more than a little embarrassed. "Miss Asahina, she said it wasn't possible to go back any further than the... uh, flashpoint."

"Oh, I see," the Doctor said, straightening himself up a little. "Well, maybe for her, it is. But then again, the average human from her time period can't handle any engineering principle more complicated than the axel!"

"Huh?"

"They internalize their technology, everything is run through neural interface and psychic software. The downside is that nothing is analogue anymore. Most of her people have never seen a doorknob, and unless they held a degree in engineering, they wouldn't know what to do if they did. They're not actually stupid, it's just not part of their daily lives."

Kyon thought for a moment. Given all the times Miss Asahina forgot to lock the door while changing, this actually made a lot of sense.

The Doctor walked around the drawing room and took a seat. He plucked a Turkish Delight out of a bowl. "But their ability to traverse time is limited by their perception of it. You see, they believe in a linear progression of time, that things actually happen one after another. Reaching the Flashpoint or beyond is, to them, like trying to cross a raging river or the Great Wall of China in a car. But time doesn't work like that, really. It's sort of fluid, almost organic. In general, more wibbly. The TARDIS can't land on the time/space coordinates of the Flashpoint, but it can sidestep the moment and travel through time around it."

His mind spinning, Kyon gave up trying to understand. "Okay, so why Victorian England?"

"It's the perfect location to set up a counter attack. We can recruit some local help to secure the TARDIS and pursue our enemy in kind. Kyon, Miss Nagato, I welcome you to the humble abode of…"

CRASH! SCREEEE!

The Doctor jumped up. "That's not a Florinall, more of an aquatic humanoid. It came from the kitchen. Let's go."

The three ran past the stairs into the kitchen. Inside, a Victorian chambermaid in full regalia was fighting what looked like a cross between a one hundred year old man and a deep sea anglerfish. She wielded a Japanese katana and was slicing him up with a graceful flourish, but he refused to fall.

Kyon's view of the battle was blocked by another monster. This one was very beautiful, a lizard woman in tight Victorian dress. She raised her sword, and Kyon recoiled.

"Doctor. I thought I heard you pulling up," she said with a wry smile. "Forgive me for not offering you a seat, but I'm a bit preoccupied." A table was overturned behind her, a large amount of dishes smashed against the opposing wall. She flinched, internally calculating the expense of her loss.

The Doctor waved his hands. "No worries, Madame Vastra. I see you have an unexpected guest." Kyon balked. He was coming to see her?

Vastra turned to the fight. "No, not unexpected, but certainly unwanted. This Haemovore had been trying to establish a nest in London, we cracked down on it last night. It seems he was quite upset."

The chambermaid screamed and ran the Haemovore through with her sword from behind. He was still moving, trying to grab her. Kyon turned and saw another creature climbing over the counter, a well-dressed potato man armed with a large pot. "What about him? Is he with you or the other guy?" Kyon asked.

"SONTAR-HAAAA!" the potato man screamed, leapt through the air, and smashed the pot over the Haemovore's head with a sickening crack. He and the chambermaid proceeded to beat, kick, and stab him on the ground. "Prepare for obliteration, alien scum!"

"Strax is with us, young man," Vastra smiled. "He's our butler."

"How is he working out, incidentally?" The Doctor asked.

The Haemovore knocked Strax into the pantry and leapt to his feet, still trying desperately to grab the chambermaid.

"Perhaps we should help Jenny, Doctor?" Vastra asked, lifting her sword.

"Oh, of course. Haemovores are extremely resilient on a physical level, but they are vulnerable to certain psychic frequencies and emotional wavelengths. A concentrated wave of faith, for instance, can short out their nervous system. One moment, please." The Doctor straightened up, closed his eyes, and concentrated.

What, Kyon thought, now he was an esper too?

Suddenly, the Haemovore threw his head back and let out a piercing screech, clutching his head and trying to tear something out. Jenny dropped her sword in as the noise cut through the air. In a flash, Yuki Nagato flew across the room, snatched the sword in midair, and took a blinding swing. A moment passed, and the Haemovore's severed head fell to the floor. The room fell silent as Yuki stood up and presented Jenny with her sword.

Strax emerged from the panty, dusting the masonry off his suit. He faced Yuki. "Good work, lad!"

…

The Sontaran battleship Hyperion glided through space, towed by tractor beam via a convoy of Orion Federation ships. A once mighty war machine left defenseless in the wake of aggressive sabotage. And there was only one place to take them.

Lieutenant Seck emerged from the engine room as General Strom arrived, his personal guard on all sides. Most of the crew had assembled to receive word. There was no avoiding it. "Sorry, sir. The damage left by the explosion was too great, there are still too many vital pieces lost. There's nothing we can do to restore our offensive weaponry. He even went so far as to jettison all the escape pods and dump the fuel on every scout ship. We cannot fight, and we cannot escape."

General Strom boiled with rage. "Cannot fight? Impossible! There is no greater shame than being taken alive. Understand, if we cannot fight them with our ship, we will fight them with every last man at our disposal. We are still armed, we are warriors! Whatever happens, they must not take us alive!"

"Sir?"

"Yes, soldier?"

"Do you hear that hissing sound?"

Strom listened. Damnation. "Lieutenant Seck, does the enemy have access to our environmental systems?"

Everyone fell to the ground, unconscious.

…

Life in the SOS Brigade had always been strange. It was quiet enough most of the time, but Kyon had plenty of moments of sheer lunacy to look back on, ever since Haruhi Suzumiya dropped into his life like a bomb. However, none of them quite compared to the experience of tea time in the home of Madame Vastra, the Silurian detective of Paternoster Row. Kyon sat with Yuki in the love seat, waiting in awkward silence. On their right, the sweetly mannered chambermaid Jenny Flint prepared the tea, a fine brew of Earl Grey. Only moments ago, he'd seen her fighting that monster alone. Before them, Madame Vastra sipped blood from a wine glass, with a look that savored Kyon's awareness. He could hear Strax hacking the body of the Haemovore to pieces for disposal in the other room. To their left, the Doctor was cheerfully selecting his tea cookies, himself the personification of everything the SOS Brigade was created to find. If Haruhi were here, she'd be in heaven.

"This is interesting company you're keeping, Doctor," Vastra said, placing her glass down. "Whatever happened to Amy and Rory?"

"At home, doing their thing. Best not to disturb them. My concern now is the student, Miss Suzumiya. There are some very unsavory characters after her, and they're not even our biggest problem. We're treading on thin ice with this one. She can't even know they're coming or who knows what kind of timey wimey nonsense she'll unleash?"

"And you fink they're comin' 'ere?" Jenny asked, pouring the Doctor's tea. He accepted the cup gratefully.

"Fifty first century plant robots travelled to twenty first century Japan to locate her already, this place is an easy jump. Our best advantage is that they haven't actually encountered her yet, so they don't have her scent."

"They've got mine, though," Kyon said as Jenny handed him his tea. She was pretty cute, but it was a little strange getting his tea from a different maid. "I think I can see where this is going."

"A trap, then," Vastra smiled. "Once we've caught them, we can make them talk."

"They're not big talkers, ma'am," Kyon said.

The Doctor waved the idea away. "I just need a piece of them. A finger, a hand, no bigger. I can trace it back to the source." Vastra and Jenny traded a knowing glance.

"I will accompany him," Yuki said, and sipped her tea.

Vastra feigned surprise. "It speaks! And here we thought you a mute."

"Are you sure, Yuki? Madame Vastra and Jenny are both quite capable," the Doctor said.

"The probability of survival and a successful extraction will be greater."

"Actually, Doctor, I'd feel a lot better if Miss Nagato was there too," Kyon said. I trust her more than any of you, he thought. "So, where do we start?"

The Doctor laid his teacup down. He reached into his jacket and pulled his sonic screwdriver out. It blinked quietly. "As soon as they arrive."

To Be Continued in Old London Town...


End file.
